I missed my third blogiversary - boo hooo.....

oh well - I'm getting up to 1,00o posts - so maybe we'll celebrate that instead ;)

My niece mentioned on facebook that I've been delinquent in posting about our latest school "adventures". I'm so tired of calling them other names - woes, nightmares, ridiculous situations etc.... that I figure "adventures" sounds so much more upbeat. And, I am soooo trying to be upbeat about it all.

It's been a frustrating, exhausting and depressing year for me - full of "what could have beens" versus "what actually happened". In some ways I feel I've failed Brady, in lots of other ways I feel that his kindergarten teachers and some of his service providers have more than failed him - with their neglect, their apathy, and their non-existent expectations - they have taken a year that had soooo much potential for good, even greatness, and turned it into even less than mediocrity. And, to be honest, except with myself (go figure), I've never been one to settle for mediocrity. And, that especially applies when the welfare and education of my children are concerned. When I compromised on a schedule of 1/2 in special ed. and 1/2 in regular ed. in the fall, I knew that the chances were that Mrs. W., who really didn't want Brady in her class at all, would fudge on the time and try to have him in small group more. I knew I was going to have to stay up on that. But, I also had made it clear to the administration that it was our goal that Brady be spending more and more time in regular ed., instead of the less and less time that ended up happening. To be fair, the special ed. teacher went back on her part, as well, to letting me have the aide time for Brady during centers, etc... In her way of thinking, and Mrs. W's, he would get so much more out of small group - with more one on one instruction. Now, here's where it gets tricky. The truth is, Brady really DOES benefit from one on one instruction - but it all depends on WHAT that instruction IS.... Making grocery lists in kindergarten - what the sp. ed. teacher considers life-skills - NOT developmentally appropriate for 5 and 6 year olds. Really - unless they were doing a unit on a grocery store and putting one together in class, 5 and 6 year olds really shouldn't be concerned with making grocery lists. I was a tad livid when he brought home a paper that he had to trace that said "If I went grocery shopping, I would buy.....chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, and goldfish crackers". Of course that was better than the first grocery list which had cookies and fruit snacks on it - Brady doesn't even LIKE cookies and fruit snacks.... He hasn't been going out for recess and having the social interactions with his typical peers, he hasn't been going to library with his regular education class, as per his schedule, Mrs. W. hasn't worked on a single social goal with him or interacted with him personally much at all. It's been a huge disappointment of a year that had so much promise. And, don't even get me started on the OT and his services - what a lame lame experience. So - not only were the original supports that we all thought were in place for Brady really not all there, but, we've had no buy in from either kindergarten teacher - Mrs. S. all but called him a drooling idiot in an attempt to compliment him, Mrs. W. doesn't think he can do anything - and bless her heart, his aide in reg. ed. Mrs. S-the-2nd is a doll and tries her bestest, but she doesn't have a great amount of direction from Mrs. S., sooo, sometimes it just doesn't work out - plus she has to listen to the reg. ed. teacher, so if she kicks Brady and the other little girl to the curb after just 15 minutes in reg. ed., such as happened the other day, what really is she to do????

So - that is what has been happening lately and it has been HUGELY frustrating, and I do so hate to be a downer and really, who wants to read about my no-good-very-bad-super-frustrating school experience day, after day, after day.... People might say it's my own fault for "having" Brady, or that if I just listened to the district and did their thing it would be easier, or that I'm expecting too much. The honest truth is - I LOVE Brady, and I am so grateful he is my life, and I wouldn't trade the experience, or him for ANYTHING!!!! I feel a big responsibility to him to get him the education and services he deserves. In short, I would search and research for the best practices and teachers for my "typical" children, so why would I settle for anything less for Brady. In effect, because of his needs, I need to be MORE vigilant and proactive and make sure things are going well for him. In my heart, I only want to surround him with people who believe in him, who see him for Brady. Who see past the outward physical signs of disability, who take the time to get past his communication barriers, who see what a funny, loving, compassionate, silly, smart little boy he really is. He really is a ham and is so funny if you get to know him. I want people to get past the fact that he isn't abstractly conversational, but he's pretty good at answering yes and no questions, and if you take the time, you CAN have a conversation with him :) I want to surround him with people who have open minds and open hearts, who want to go the extra mile and don't see it as a burden, but do it because they really care. I want to surround him with people who genuinely care about him, even love him, and want to see him succeed. I've found over the last few years, that in education and even special education, that doesn't always happen - I found it for my other kids, but I've especially found it to be true in Brady's case. It's been a hard lesson, but I keep pursuing finding the "right" people, the ones who are "believers", the ones who look for solutions and think outside the box. Brady has many many of these people in his life - Mrs. S. the administrator, LuLu and Kasey, Melissa, Cyndie, Wende (our private OT), even Brenda (our private ST) who isn't warm and fuzzy was willing with my input to shake things up a bit and change things around to help Brady progress. It's trial and error, two steps forward, one step back, but, it is progress and that is our goal.......and responsibility.

So, there you have it - my blogging block and kind of an overview of what is happening ;) The administrator and a lady from the district who mentors the special ed teacher met on Monday, and supposedly the mentor lady will be meeting with both kindergarten teachers to talk about changing up Brady's schedule and making some good changes for inclusion. I am interested to hear what her thoughts are on the subject, so I hope she returns my phone call today. It's been a long year of not much happening at school, but we have been chugging along more at home and I feel that he is progressing. His sinus infection is getting better and he is sleeping better and is MUCH happier these days - thank goodness :) I just love this boy so much and I want not only what is "appropriate" for him, but I really do want the BEST - even though I can't say that to school personnel. It is still my goal and my mission ;)

Thanks for "listening" to my ramblings for the last 3 years - you're the BEST :)